Suffern Chess Club

Top 10 Lists

Top 10 injuries in the US Chess League

10. Strained LCK (Loss of Luciena Knowledge) 

  9. Broken heart

  8. Forked-up personality

  7. Lack of Luft

  6. Sprained wrist from piece slamming

  5. Pawn poisoning

  4. Temporary (position) blindness

  3. Paper cuts (from torn up scoresheets)

  2. Zugzwankle

  1. Crushed Spirit

Top 10 reasons chess is better than baseball:

10. Diamonds are overrated

  9. It’s much easier to figure out late game substitutions

  8. No pitch counts

  7. Grandmasters don’t have to deal with hordes of chess groupies

  6. You don’t have to worry about which base to cover on a double play

  5. There are no extra innings

  4. It’s really fun to say Zugzwang and Zwischenzug!

  3. You can be mentally unbalanced and still be a revered Grandmaster

  2. You get to sit for 3 hours in complete silence and mental anguish - and it’s not a congressional hearing on steroids

  1. Every patzer has his day

Chess Jokes

Joke #1 - Obsessions

(Two old friends get together after work for drinks and catch up on things)

• Joe:  “How are things, do you still play chess like we did in the old days?”
• Larry:  ”Sure do.  In fact, I play almost every weekend down at the club.”
• Joe:  “That must be tough on your personal life.”
• Larry:  ”A couple of months ago, I told my wife that I was going to play in a tournament on our anniversary.  She told me that if I went to the club that night, our marriage would be over!”
• Joe:  “Wow.  So what did you do?”
• Larry: “I played Nf3.  I always play the Kings Indian Attack!”

 Jokes #2 & 3: Cartoons

For MORE chess jokes - click this link: More Chess Jokes

Chess References in Rock/Pop Songs

1. Fly By Night - Rush (”It’s time I was King, not just one more pawn”) Song Link
2. I’ve Seen All Good People - Yes (”Make the white Queen run so fast, she hasn’t got time to make you a wife”) Song Link 
3. Human Hands - Elvis Costello (”With the kings and queens of the dance hall craze
   Checkmate in three moves in your heyday, But the girls don`t listen to your line anymore”)  Song Link
4. Solitaire - Suzanne Vega (”You and your fate in a kind of check-mate, only you are your only competition”) Song Link
5. ‘#1 Zero’ - Audioslave (”… I’ll be your king, I’ll be your pawn, I will build you a pedastal and put you on it …”) Album Link

Let us know your suggestions for songs to add to the list …